Where are the MEN?

This is my first blog. I hope that something I say encourages or challenges you in some way. One thing I can promise – I will write when I think I have something to say. So some weeks, I may blog twice a day. Other weeks, there may be nothing. Today, there is something on my mind…about men. Not males. Men - real men, responsible men, relational men, strong men, loving men. Question: where are they?

Saturday we had 11 folks in our living room for a “new members’ class”. At the end of the day we each drew a genogram – a diagram of our family of origin and how adults in our lives had impacted us both positively and negatively. 9 of the 11 people in the room then shared openly. All 9 had a horror story about a significant older male – mostly fathers – in their lives. The dads were either absent or abusive or overbearing or neglectful or emotionally distant or irresponsible in some way. In every case, the immature behavior of these significant males was devastating.

Then on Wednesday, Pete, Gerald, Larry and I met with our crew of young people from our neighborhood – to talk about jobs and life. I did a devotional about the significance of our fathers. I asked how many of them – about 12 were sitting around the table in the Jefferson Room - had absent fathers. The answer: all of them. The impact? Once again – devastating.
There is something about a strong, compassionate, truth-telling, clean and sober, respectful, emotionally present, responsible, communicative father – in the home and the community – that NOTHING else can totally replace. As the father goes, so goes the home. As the father goes, so goes the church. As the father goes, so goes the community. As the father goes, so goes the culture. I can’t totally explain it. But it’s true.

One of the devastating effects of the absence of true men – is that young males grow up not knowing how to be a real man. So they spend their youth trying to figure out what to do with their strength, their attraction to women, their thirst for adventure, their desire to climb mountains and conquer new worlds…and often end up abusing these God-given desires and passions.
Our communities end up filled with babies and “baby mommas” – but no dads – because there aren’t any mature men who model celibacy before marriage and respect and commitment and covenant keeping. And boys who aren’t taught by older, real men that they have the gift of strength for one main reason - to defend those in need of justice – end up being the perpetrators of violence that make those same babies and baby mommas afraid to walk the streets. And when boys grow up to be men who abuse the gift of adventure – they create and succeed and then feed their own egos and bank accounts – it is often because there are no dads or uncles or men to show that real manhood is about achieving in order to give back to those who have less. Wall Street has plenty of succe ssful males making it big even in a down economy. What Wall Street lacks is enough real men who take their God-given profit and channel it toward those around the world in need of compassion and mercy.

So what do we do? First, guys, we can grow ourselves up into real men. We can make sure that we aren’t just little boys in men’s bodies neglecting to be the men in our own families, relationships and neighborhoods. Ask the folks around you – especially your wives and kids – how they see you using…or abusing…your gifts of strength, courage, adventure and passion. Then do what you gotta do to begin or further the journey of growing yourself up.

But there’s one more thing we can do – ask God to show you some young men who don’t have fathers that you can get your arms around and begin to journey with…to care about them, to love them, to show them along the way what it means to be a real man. I can tell you a place to start – Wednesday afternoons at 4:00 p.m. in the Jefferson Room. I’d love to introduce you to some great guys…some great, great guys…who really want to be men, but aren’t really sure how…and aren’t sure where to turn to find the answer.