Surprised by joy

Carla and I are in Denver at the Evangelical Covenant Pastor’s Conference. This morning something happened between us that sort of shocked…and deeply encouraged me. In a word, I found myself spontaneously caring, deeply caring, tearfully caring more about Carla – in that moment – than I cared about myself. Of course, this isn’t the first time I have cared about Carla [it better not have been, after 32 years of marriage!!]. But the unique feature is the setting – we’re at a pastor’s conference. I’m a pastor. This conference is about me. It’s about my stuff, my needs, my career, my training. And truth be told – it has always been so easy to make everything about me – because pastoring is about doing “God’s work, saving people, bringing His Kingdom to earth”…blah, blah, blah. It has always been so easy to think, “How does any other focus compare with that?”

And yet, this morning, I found myself overwhelmed with Carla’s needs, Carla’s wants, Carla’s hopes and Carla’s joys. Specifically, she has been able to spend time with Leigh Anne, our middle daughter, who is a student at Denver Theological Seminary. I have gotten to watch – during our times together this week, Carla and Leigh Anne enjoy each other so very, very much! There is nothing that gives Carla more joy these days, as an empty nester, than spending time with her girls. And this morning, as I watched Carla bounce around the hotel room, grinning, smiling, joking – almost giddy to be with Leigh Anne – I got tears in my eyes as I realized how much I love her…and how much joy I felt, anticipating WITH her, the time she would be having with our daughter. I took her in my arms, told her how beautiful she is, and then prayed for her – asking our Father to give her yet another good day – not a perfect day – but a satisfying, connecting, deepening and good day with Leigh Anne.

I will see both Carla and Leigh Anne this evening and get the privilege of once again “feeling” my wife’s deep joy and gratitude for her connection with one of her girls. And this night – I will also have a thankful awareness that our good God is still working with me and in me, to take me out of myself, beyond myself, in spite of myself, to authentically feel for and care about those closest to me.

This might seem small to some of you reading this blog today – but knowing the bondage of the trap of self-centeredness that I have wrestled with – for years – in my marriage – this day is huge…huge for me.

Deliverance

The prophet Joel says, in the context of an “end times prophecy” – “Whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be delivered…” [Joel 2:32]. Peter quotes this same word from Joel in his Pentecost sermon in Acts 2:21 – again, “Whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be delivered…”. Then, Paul, in Romans, at the end of that great and powerful and mysterious section on Jew and Gentile coming together in the plan of God [Romans 9-11] – “…there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. For whoever calls upon the name of the Lord, shall be delivered.” [Romans 10:12-13]

Both yesterday and today, I have contemplated the power of these words. If they are not true, then they are ridiculous. But if they ARE true – then whoever I am – Jew or Greek or male or female or leper or thief or murderer or king or queen or prostitute or swindler or heterosexual or homosexual or Democrat or Republican or Communist or Socialist…and wherever I am – on a mountaintop or in a valley, secure or afraid, depressed or elated, sick or well, married or divorced or single, lonely or not so lonely, employed or unemployed, childless or with many children, money in the bank or destitute, sober or drunk or high…if I will simply call on the name of the Lord, I will be delivered!

Think about it – either it’s true, or it’s not true. It can’t be sort of true. Of course, I don’t get to say what “deliverance” looks like. And for me, therein lies the rub. I want to control my own destiny. I want to call on the name of the Lord and have Him deliver me according to MY definition of deliverance. That we do not get to do – or God would not be God. We would be God and could deliver our own darn selves. But if we are willing to trust that God is our Abba Father, that He knows all, that He is outside of history and sees the end from the beginning, that He loves us with an everlasting love and wants only the ultimate best for us…it seems to me that today, whoever we are and wherever we are and whatever state we find ourselves in – it would be a good thing to call on the name of the Lord. Then, as you go about your business, doing whatever it is you need to do to be obedient to Him – watch…and wait…for His deliverance. His deliverance will come…because He has promised.

Standing in the Gap

Another one of our young men is in jail. He’s 14. He was picked up last night. He’s not a bad kid…in fact, he’s a good kid. He’s doing some stupid stuff. The enemy is trying to use the lure of drugs and money and relief from pain to lure him to his death. And I can’t stand it. I’m not sure what to do about it – but I can tell you one thing – I’m not conceding this young man’s life to the enemy. I’m not. As long as I have breath – I am going to cry out to my Father in heaven and ask Him to deliver us all – including my young brother in trouble. I’m going to beg Him to show me how to stand in the gap, to imitate Jesus and His care and even His sacrificial death – if need be – so that anyone, everyone can have a chance at life. Jesus showed me when He was on the earth that He cared about everyone, literally everyone. The woman at the Samaritan well who was an outcast because she had been married 5 times and was living with her 6th man, Jesus loved her personally, individually…she mattered. Zaccheus, who was hated by both the Romans and the Jews because he was a compromising tax-collector, Jesus went to his house…because he mattered. The nameless, capital criminal that was crucified next to Jesus…did you ever stop to realize that if he would have been the only man on earth that needed love and redemption – Jesus would have gone to the cross just to meet him, just to forgive him, just to be able to say, “Today…you will be with me in paradise!” Jesus shows me that I matter to God. Jesus shows me that this young man in Macomb County lockup matters to God. He loves us so much that each human life IS THE POINT. I will NOT let my little brother fall through the cracks. I can’t make choices for him…but I can pursue him…as long as God gives me breath…to show him that he is loved, that he matters, that there is another path to walk – a path that leads to life. God, show me the way. Show us the way. Show us how to pursue and love like your Son. And be with my young brother in the system today. Let him know You are there. Get him ready…to choose life.

The god of Self

Oswald Chambers spoke to me this morning. His January 19th reflection in “My Utmost for His Highest” talks about Abraham right after God promises to make him a father of a great nation and that will in turn bless many nations [Genesis 15]. Abraham was old [86!] and childless – so at the very least, this was a promise from God that Abraham would have a son. Then the text says Abraham had a dream, “And great horror and darkness came upon him” [15:12]. And when Abraham woke up, Sarai came to Abraham with the whole “hey, why don’t you sleep with Hagar, my maidservant, because we don’t have any kids by me and if God is going to give us all these descendants, we’d better find another way to begin.” [Genesis 16] Abraham did sleep with Hagar, Ishmael was conceived and born – and the rest [as they say] is messy history.

Chambers says, “When God gives a vision, and darkness follows…wait.” Abraham got impatient. Of course, I understand why…GOD DIDN’T SPEAK TO ABRAHAM AGAIN FOR 13 YEARS AND SARAI, HIS WIFE, DIDN’T GET PREGNANT WITH THE SON GOD PROMISED UNTIL THAT TIME – AND ABRAHAM WAS 100 YEARS OLD [GENESIS 21]. But God had a plan, a program, a timetable – and it was not in Abraham’s best interest to try and circumvent that plan – in fact, it brought much pain to Abraham, Sarai, Hagar, Ishmael, Isaac – and the two nations that Ishmael and Isaac spawned. Chambers says, “God will make you in accordance with the vision He has given you if you will await His time. Never try and help God fulfill His word.” He goes on to say, “Abraham went through 13 years of silence, but in those years all self-sufficiency was destroyed…” God’s plan was not just to do something THROUGH Abraham…but IN Abraham.

I think the same is true for us. Chambers puts it like this: “The one thing for which we are all being disciplined is to know that God is real. As soon as God becomes real, other people become shadows.” He isn’t saying that other people become unimportant – but that their agenda for us [to find a more convenient way to help God accomplish His plan in our lives!!??] is put in its proper place – and we are free to simply wait on God and His timetable.

I found myself thinking about Psalm 31:14-15 – “But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord; I say, ‘You are my God’. My times are in Your hand…” Then I found myself bowing my heart before Him, asking Him to continue “destroying all self-sufficiency” in me. And of course, I asked Him if He could do it as painlessly as possible…

His Beloved

I John 3:1 – some profound words from the apostle – “Behold…what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!!” What is on my mind this morning is how difficult it is for us to hear the Father saying to us, each day, “You are beloved My son…” or “You are My beloved daughter…”. Henri Nouwen, the Roman Catholic priest and psychologist used to say, “Being the beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.” Yet there are so many strong and loud and abusive and “siren-like” voices that compete with the Father’s voice – shouting at us OTHER statements of identity – “You will never be enough” or “You idiot” or “You loser” or “You victim” or whatever. I am praying today – for all my brothers and sisters in Christ – and for those who are sons and daughters of God who just don’t know it yet – that all of us would be able to discern between the voice of the enemy who shames and accuses and abuses – and the voice of our kind Father – who calls us His beloved.

Quiet Moment

Funny where a quiet moment with God can take you. I woke up in the pits. I began to pray – writing my prayer down in a journal as is my way in the morning. And I began to listen to U2 – and listened to a one of their songs – “You’ve got stuck in a moment and now you can’t get out of it” – and I thought, “that’s it, that’s where I am this morning.” Bono [I think it’s Bono – doesn’t he always sing lead in their songs?] – “You’ve got to get yourself together…you gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight, these tears are going nowhere, baby…” Then he sings, “You are such a fool to worry like you do…I know it’s tough and you can never get enough of what you don’t really need, now…” He continues, “And if the night runs over and if the day won’t last and if your way should falter – it’s just a moment…this time will pass.” And I felt like I had just heard Jesus in Matthew 6 say to me, “It’s ok, son. The Father will take care of your needs. And if you don’t have what you think you need, then you don’t need it yet – so let it go. Stop your worrying. Stand up, seek the Kingdom today – walk with me. It’s going to be ok. Funny, so funny where a quiet moment with God can take you.

One Man. One Life.

I have been reading the letters of Franz Jagerstatter, a poor, uneducated Austrian farmer who was conscripted into the Nazi army shortly after Austria was annexed by Germany in 1938. He went to basic training, leaving his young wife Franzi and three little daughters behind. But as a follower of Jesus Christ, Franz became increasingly uncomfortable with what at that time was even the official position of the church – “fulfill your duty to the state – no matter what – God will not hold you responsible for their sins or errors”. An extra, added pressure from the church was the “high calling” of being a responsible father and husband. Franz was torn – you should see the pictures of his three darlings that Franzi sent him while he was in prison!! Of course, he didn’t want to see them left fatherless – and he loved his wife very much and you can tell from his letters to her that he hated every moment away from her.

But the more Franz found out about the true purposes of the Third Reich, and the more he read the New Testament and the teachings of Jesus, the more he realized that to go along with Hitler in any way, in any sense, was to deny His Master. So, after a leave, Franz was commanded to report for duty in February of 1943. The tide of the war had turned against Germany – and the official policy toward deserters or those refusing to serve – due to morale issues – also turned severe. At the most inopportune time, Franz, because of his love for Jesus, went to the official reporting office at Enns, and quietly refused to serve.

He was immediately imprisoned – and 5 months later, he was beheaded by the Nazis. Of course, the official report was that he was executed for his refusal to serve in the German army. What is clear, however, is that Franz Jagerstatter was martyred by the forces of darkness because of his passionate love for the Lord Jesus Christ.

The day before his execution, in his next to last letter to his wife Franzi, he writes: “How our final hours will be, we do not know. Nor do we know what struggles we must still pass through. That I have great trust in God’s compassion, that my dear Savior will not abandon me in the final hours – who has not abandoned me up until now – this you can believe with me.” He goes on to say, “The chief thing [for me] is only that the Lord not be ashamed of me…”.

One of his biographers says, “Franz Jagerstatter was a solitary witness. He died with no expectation that his sacrifice would make any difference to anyone.” And yet, as God’s sovereign will would have it, an American sociologist, Gordon Zahn, in the course of his research on the topic of German Catholics and Hitler’s Wars, “found a reference to an Austrian peasant who had paid with his life for refusing any part” in Hitler’s evil. He subsequently wrote FJ’s biography – “In Solitary Witness: The Life and Death of Franz Jagerstatter” – and to make a long story short – a Jesuit named Thomas Roberts – an Archbishop – took Franz’s story to the Second Vatican Council – and the rest, as they say, is history. Based largely on Jagerstatter’s example, the Roman Catholic Church decreed at the conclusion of the council, ostensibly changed their position on the responsibility of believers toward the state – calling sincere followers of Jesus to stand tall and firm against any crimes of state that condemn the innocent and defenseless!! This was a complete reversal of the stance the church had taken for centuries!!

One man. One life. He stood tall for Jesus Christ. I have found myself asking God to help me be more like Franz Jagerstatter. I have found myself – each morning in prayer – asking the Father to help me “follow the example of Franz Jagerstatter, even as He followed Jesus Christ.” I can’t wait to meet my brother Franz in eternity. One thing I know – when I approach to give him an embrace – I will have to make my way through and around the hugs and kisses of four women – Franz’s wife, and his three little girls.